I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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