OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
