And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Randomize
