He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
