Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
