I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
