we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
