I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
