Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
