just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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