Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
These tits shall not be calmed
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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