i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i used baking grease as lip gloss
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
