Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I am midnight drunk by noon
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
