Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
