your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
