I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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