you guys were way drunker than both of me
Duck Duck Cougar?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
My orgasm happened in two different decades
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
