hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
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