i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
if only i could text you this smell
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
