Duck Duck Cougar?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He felt like a one man threesome
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
