its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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