I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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