we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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