you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
