while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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