We're like a lot better than the average bears
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
