I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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