You just made me feel so damn special
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
