dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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