I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
