I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
