Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
