2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
