Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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