She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize