I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You ate ashes out of my bong
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
