No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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