just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize