I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
