Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
