Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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