Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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