not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
it glows. i had to have it.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Randomize
