My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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