I just made out with a guy for $7.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
