Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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