I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
