did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
