It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
