Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
someone owes me an orgasm
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
