So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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