I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
