I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
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So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
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Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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