Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
