It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
