I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
