The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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