dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
