A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
