She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
