I puked a lego.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
