help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
