Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
