Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
