i already hear my dad disowning me
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Well I just put wine in my tea
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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