why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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