my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
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Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
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Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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