i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
