Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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