remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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