i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
