You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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