you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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