Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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