Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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