we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
