Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Randomize
