Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Be still, my beating vagina.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
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