saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
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The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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