You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I won't apologize to a one balled man
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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