I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
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