Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
