Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
